My learnings recently have caused deep self-reflection, deep revelations and deep emotions that seem to cover that colorful spectrum of being human. I have now, FINALLY, reached a point where uncovering more of who I am as a being that is spiritual yet living a human experience doesn’t freak me out. Because I was open to observing and witnessing all the shadows within, meaning I did not resist my feelings of “less-than”, “not-good-enough”…just the general malaise of inferiority, I was able to not only move through relatively quickly, but also come through with new awareness, new insight and renewed excitement.
I found myself more able to look at my truth and not be so concerned with the paths or choices of others within my sphere. I’ve spent a lifetime attempting to squish my weirdo self into the square or even round pegs of others. This, of course, never works and it was never supposed to work yet try I did. Having few friends as odd as I thought I was, I identified myself as broken somehow, wrong, a misfit who never found the island of misfit toys.
FINALLY, after decades of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, I can now see all the wonders that are right with me. All my idiosyncrasies, my quirks, my hippy weirdo thinking, my oddities, and as my children say, “Mom, your just a little cray-cray”, ~~~ these are now the things about me that bring me joy. I smile in the mirror each morning and tell myself I am perfect just the way I am. And though I’m still not fond of the ever-increasing wrinkles that are appearing, even those are etchings of a life well lived!
As I sit in the comfort of my bed on this gorgeous, freshly washed Sunday morning ~~thank you much needed rain ~~I gaze out the window with deep gratitude. I hear the birdsong and crickets. Jack the dog snores gently by my side and Georgia the cat, purring, is pressed up against my other side. Tyrion, my 9-month old Cavalier spaniel, the newest addition, rips around wildly barking at the air. At this very moment, life could not be better.
My joy is full because I ~~ and each of you ~~ are children of the Universe. My DNA originates with Spirit. So does yours. I am as held with profound love as those birds and crickets outside my bedroom window. All is well even when my emotions get the best of me; when my thinking gets stinking; when it appears the bills are not going to get paid; when family members make choices that are harmful to themselves and there is nothing I can do; when all of life seems out of whack, spiraling out of control. Still and ALWAYS ~~~ God is my Source in every need. (Psalm 23)
Sometimes I “feel” that. In fact, more often than not, now a-days, I can stay in that Truth and float through my life experiencing exquisite joy. My here this moment – gone the next feelings do not make anything true or untrue. My human feelings are fleeting and fickle. It’s my faith that makes it true.
Today I “feel” it. Thank-you God!