My journey to become an ordained Unity minister is most likely not unique but it IS my sacred story and I’d like to share it with you here.
My early experiences with God were not actually with God at all but with the church of my childhood. I thought what many people thought – that God lived inside of that building. I thought all the stained glass and stone floors and velvet kneeling pads were made by God and were for God. I thought people went to church to sing to God and worship Him (whatever that meant) and it was a Sunday morning only activity. At that time I knew nothing about God. I certainly knew nothing about God being everywhere present.
My childhood home was not a spiritual one but in the midst of the chaos in which I grew up, I found peace and serenity outside in nature, reading in my treehouse or watching crawdads in the nearby creek. I spent as much time as I could out of doors and became aware of a kind of still Presence that I was drawn back to again and again. Nature continues to be my place of refuge, the place I go to find my center, my groundedness. All of nature is a reflection of God. I am more aware, more conscious of the presence of Source when I focus on the beauty, power and magnificence of the natural world.
When I left home my life took on the shadow and sheen of the unchurched. Except for the rare moments when I sat by a beach or sped down sun-dappled roads on my motorcycle or held my newborn babies close to my heart, God was not much more than a tiny blip on the radar screen of my life. Of course, like many others, I prayed my little heart out in those desperation prayers when help was needed, proof – to at least myself – that my faith was not dead but I had no real understanding of my integral oneness with the Divine.
Still, God met me where I was at, spiritually speaking, at a time and place I call my “clothesline experience”. After a particularly devastating event between my then-husband and myself, I found myself outside at the clothesline hanging up diapers, sobbing…and praying…my little heart out to God, surrendering my ego, opening my hands and heart to the divine. In a moment that will never be forgotten, I felt arms around me, loving me and accepting me in the midst of the mess that I had made. THIS was my incubator moment, the point of a higher level awareness beginning to germinate. Though I didn’t have the language, I knew somewhere deep within that God is Good. And that God is everywhere present.
Now I’d love to be able to tell you that that event was all it took to turn me to the Truth, but that is not what happened. I had to walk my journey and travel down many side trails, some not very pretty to be sure, but all necessary to bring me to this place, right here and right now.
I am so grateful for those side trips to the Methodist churches, the Baptist churches, the non-denominational churches because those experiences taught me how to navigate the Bible; re-introduced me to Jesus the healer and the teacher, and then, later in my studies, I was awakened to Jesus the revolutionary, the Way-shower and my elder brother.
So began my reading, studying and listening to teachers that taught me the Truth of who I AM. Now my concept of God has exploded to include everything and everyone, everywhere at all times. God cannot be defined, cannot be contained by words, at least not by me.
I find God in the delicate spider webs that catch the dew in the early morning sunlight and in the green bottle fly that joins me when I relax on the swing in my back yard. I find God in the tail wag of my dog and the intricate pattern the frost forms on leaves. I find God in the quietness of midnight when the moon shines full on my face and in the majestic leap of whales as they celebrate life itself. I find God in the tears of a loved one as we hold each other in blessed relief and I find God as I offer myself to a homeless person, knowing that all I have has been gifted to me and I am here to pay it forward.
For me, God is all there is and God is all that matters. God is everything!! And as I consider this thought, my body vibrates with the Truth that God is a fluid, flowing energy field. I am living and breathing in a sea of God and my only reason for being is to connect with and exude that energy.
Psalm 139:7 rings true in my head: “Where can I go from your Spirit; where can I flee from your Presence?” There is only One Presence and One Power in the Universe and in my Life – God the Good, Omnipotent.
It is my sincerest hope that each of you will consider who and what God/Source/Universal Energy/Divine Wisdom/Holy Creator and any other name that you wish to call that glorious Energy Field, my hope is that you find within you your guiding North Star for then your foundation will be solid and strong. And all will be well. Not perfect, but well. It will be well with your soul !!!